Queen of the Tube

Oh Lord I love the interweb.  This is hilarious and awesome at the same time. Especially if you have any personal history with Queensryche. Of which I do.

You must watch this. But let me tell you my story first.

In the age of ‘Metal’ true young rockers like myself who longed for the days of our forefathers (e.g. Zeppelin, Floyd, Hendrix) and had yet to see the breakthrough of anti-metal rock (Nirvana et al.) and the subsequent smashing of the hair bands, were forced to accept what bands our rocker peers were listening to. Queensryche was one of them.

You couldn’t hate them –like Dokken or Poison –but for those of us who just couldn’t get over the purple pants and Charvel Jackson guitars, you embraced them with a huge grain of pretentious gay salt. You knew they were talented and kiiinda liked it but…at the end of the day you were praying for it all to go away. Fortunately, for the most part it did.

That being said, the talent of vocalists like Geoff Tate was pretty undeniable in a massively over-the-top way. So it’s awesome to see guys like this rip it up on Youtube. If it was the age of Metal he would be tracked down by every Metal band this side of the Mississippi. And the other side.

But first, my story:

When I was about 14, I was at a party with a group of friends at someone’s house we did not know. One of those, ‘There’s a party on 14th…” sort of things.

So we were just chilling and getting bored with the bad music they’re playing on the stereo. My friend says to me, “Dude, here’s some Queensryche –put it on…” So I – a few beers brave – go over to the stereo and start putting on the Queensryche.

Some ‘older’ dude (about 19) in his cheesy turtle-neck sweater comes up behind me and says, “Hey man! That’s the Thompson Twins you’re shutting off!” I look up at him (I was crouching down trying to figure out the stereo, but I still would’ve been looking up if I was standing) and said, “Exactly, and it’s Queensryche I’m putting on”.

At that point in rock history, you could not be at two farther ends of the spectrum –Queensryche vs. The Thompson Twins – it was pretty much masculine vs. feminine. Pick a side buddy.

So Mr. Turtle-neck grabs my rocker neck from behind (I never saw it coming) and throws me back against a coffee table, cutting my arm on a beer glass sending blood spurting everywhere. Fortunately one of my buddies was a six-foot plus 16 yr old and was all over this dude in seconds. I didn’t even know what happened other than Thompson Twins were still playing, my arm was bleeding and Mr. Turtle-neck was getting his ass kicked by my big friend.

“Yeah!? How’s it feel to get your ass kicked by a 16 year old after picking on a 14 year old Mr. Turtle neck?! That one’s for the Queen of the Reeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccchhhhh!!!!!!!” I yelled. OK, not really.

Turns out Turtle-goon lived there and it was his party. How were we to know?

Well…he could’ve been nice about it and he shouldn’t have been grabbing fourteen year olds by the neck anyway…

This one’s for him. Take it away buddy–